The Front-page

These past few days were like a fever dream, I finally realized things are not going back to how they were, and that life goes on, but I was still frozen in time, I was still stuck, standing at the crossroad where we parted ways, I cannot go back because you won't be there, and I cannot follow you because I was the one who told you to go away. I can't take any other road because none of them would take me to you, I stand here hanging by a thread to the ghost of you who keeps getting paler and when your ghost leaves me too? Will I haven’t thought that far ahead, I never thought we or I would end up here, alone with no one but my mind to keep me company, God I forgot how hard it was to be with me, the constant war in my head between me and me both not knowing what are they fighting for or why they are so desperate to win, they only thing they know is that losing is not an option. It is as if the fairytale and the castle that was covered in cheap valentine's day decorations all year long has burned down and everyone who has ever lived in it is shooting fire randomly in every direction with no purpose other than self-distraction.

 I have lost all sense of privacy now that I know that a stranger knows all my secrets, if I was an open book back before it all happened then now  I am nothing but a front-page cover that tells you the full story so you don't have to buy it or even bother to pick it up from the news stand. I hope you do not think of me as much as I think of you, in fact, matter of fact I hope no one is thinking of me at all, one would think that an attention seeking Aquarius like myself would be happy that someone is wasting precious time thinking of her but no, the idea itself is terrifying to me, I do not want someone having me in their mind it irks me that I'm occupying a space that could be used for a much better reason, and to be more honest it is mostly because if their thoughts about me were negative then I hate the fact that I won't be there to defend myself, I might secretly agree with them but I own myself the dignity of having someone to take her side, and if their thoughts are positive then it is because I'm too polite to not thank them for wasting their time and honoring me by giving me a little room in their palaces.

I know that the day I get tired of being here all by myself will come eventually, and that I will choose a path to walk in, maybe I will become a ghost and try to make it work with yours, but who knows? Who really knows anything? Surly not me, we live and die without knowing anything but if there is one thing, I think I might know for sure is that we spend our time here loving people and things, it keeps us busy, it makes us go to bed early so that tomorrow would come sooner, and we get more time to love whatever is that we are so blissfully cursed with, I love that I am here, that I got today, a new chance in life and more time to exist and be surrounded with the people and things that I adore. I look back at the distance we walked together, and I do not regret it, I do not regret any single turn or any step that I took that got me here, I enjoyed every bit of it, I cannot wait to start walking again.